Consider my crusade to debunk the musical relevance of Katy Perry BEGUN!
I've done my homework, and according to Wikipedia (a source whose relevance in itself is questionable), Katy Perry began her career as a legit musician (HA!) as Katy Hudson, a gospel-rock singer. That's right, Ms. Perry used to join hundreds of priests (her parents were pastors, no less) in trying to convert people to the corruption I like to call religion. Far cry from the bi-curious whore we love to hate, isn't it?
Eventually, she realized that keeping her clothes on and being a decent human being wasn't going to make her the star that she wanted to be. So what did she do? Well, she stripped down to her kinkiest lingerie and began crooning about how much she just loves making out with girls.
With last year's horrid hits "Ur So Gay", and "I Kissed a Girl", the attention of the male audience and the exploding dance-pop crowd had been grabbed. Her record label had another success story to parade around.
Evidently, Perry is a guitarist, and she even had the privilege of playing last year's Warped Tour... say what?! I turned a blind eye to the inclusion of Paramore in that tragic set list, but this I cannot abide by.
Perry's club-happy dance tunes are hardly Warped Tour fare. Just because you play them with an electric guitar on stage and have a band behind you doesn't make it rock music. But hey, it's hard to carry those giant synthesizers around!
If anyone of Katy's loyal fans stepped onto the Warped Tour grounds, the sights, the smells, and the mosh pits would scare them off in but an instant. Is anyone going to mosh to "Thinking of You"? No, I don't think so!
As with many of music's biggest modern sensations, Katy Perry relies on sexuality to push record sales and gain radio airplay. Never heard "I Kissed a Girl"? Obviously, you've been living under a rock, good reader. If Justin Timberlake wrote a song about making out with boys, it would considered filth, but remember gay guys are gross, and gay girls are hot. Never forget this strikingly important fact.
Also, she makes heavy use of vocal modifiers and distortion to make herself sound much, much better, another trait used commonly by today's biggest acts. Have you heard this woman perform her hit "Hot 'N' Cold" live? If you haven't, spare your poor, innocent ears the pain.
One thing I (unfortunately) can't fault Katy Perry for is the fact that she writes her own songs. However, I can fault her for the atrocious lyrics she writes. ("Ur So Gay and you don't even like penis!")("...You're hot and you're cold/You're yes then you're no/You're in then you're out/You're up and you're down") The aforementioned lyrics could've been written by anybody who knows how to make a the cheesiest contradiction possible. Hilary Duff, Lady GaGa... take note!
So, with her disgusting use of sexuality, her blatant disregard for intelligent writing, and the shameless and heavily noticeable use of vocal modifiers, can Katy Perry truly be considered a legit musician. If anybody's reading this, sound off in the poll!
--Devin General
External Katy Perry links:
"I Kissed a Girl" (Video)
"Hot 'N' Cold" (Video)
"Thinking of You" (Video)
"Hot 'N' Cold" @ YouTube Live <-- One of the worst live performances ever
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